Friday, October 12, 2012

Where am I?

          For the past couple of weeks I have been hanging out with a new friend. He is a little over 10 years older than me, but obviously age doesn't matter to me, otherwise I wouldn't really speak to him at all. But some things have come up between us, things in which I feel are too serious. For me at this point in time anyway. So earlier today we had gotten into an argument about me not wanting to have sex with him (anymore) and not opening up to him and expressing my feelings. First off, I have a problem with opening up to anyone, and anyone that knows me well enough can tell you from experience. It takes a long time for me to truly spill my heart out to someone, and if I do then they are mighty special.
          He likes me, more than I like him and with a different tone. That's bad enough already. I am at a point in my life where I don't want anything serious, I don't want anyone to fall for me, much less have those kind of feelings for me, and I know I cannot stop someone from having those feelings, I would just rather not deal with it. In addition, I still have feelings for my ex and he for I. In which everyone knows this! I just don't want to deal with this kind of pressure at the moment, and I am the type of person to avoid things like this altogether. Sometimes at all costs. This would be the cost of a friend. But he is the one walking out on me. Although he tries to make it seem like I am the one walking out on him, but that don't fly around here. Not with me.
          Twice has he told me he no longer wanted anything to do with me, and twice has he come back apologizing. He needs to make up his mind, deal with me or don't.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Birthday Girl!

Today I turn 20 years old! I am super excited for a a few reasons. I am the first female in my direct family that has not married at the age of 19! Whoo! I'm proud of myself, haha. Eventually I will also be the first of my immediate family to graduate from college, but that's another story. Today I will be spending time with a somewhat special-ish person who for whatever reason I still give a damn about. But that's all cool. He wants to get in my pants, but I don't really want that to happen. I'm afraid of what the outcome would be. He's still attached to me and says he still loves me, and it's weird. I just don't want to mess anything up, and although he believes it won't, I believe it will. But let's just see what happens. Anyway, I'll go and enjoy my day. Thank you for reading.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Birthday in 8 days.

          I will turn 20 years old in 8 days! I plan on having a small party at my house. I'm going to get drunk and that's about all I've gotten planned so far! If you're wondering about my ex, he's trying to cope being without me 24/7. As my mother had pointed out to me, he was dependent on being around me all the time, and I guess that's one of the places we messed up at. I got tired of it, while he loved it. Anywho, he's still slightly depressed, but at least we can talk to each other now like civilized people! No more yelling and bullying.
          I'm enjoying spending time with my family and friends like I used to. I'm bored a lot of the times, but I'm really happy! So all in all, it works for me.