Dealing with my new life.

          Well, having a child doesn't feel so bad after the overwhelming feelings are aside now. I think it helps that he is what you would call a "good baby". He doesn't cry unless he needs something, which is always simple, and when he is awake he is normally alert and happy. Although he still doesn't really like diaper changes or bath time. He is almost six weeks old and is going through his third growth spurt. He will eat every two hours and tends to fight sleep. But this shall pass in a few days.

In the first few weeks, I felt like I got upset easily, but not with the baby, with my boyfriend. He would say things or do things that I feel like I wouldn't normally get so upset over, but with my hormone levels trying to balance themselves out, I felt angry at him often. It's not so bad now, but he can still get on my nerves a tad easier than usual. But we are working things out as best as we can, which I think we are doing well.

Earlier today I was on Reddit, and I happened to stumble upon a self article about what women liked to hear when their SO saw/sees them naked. And as I read the comments, I realized that my SO doesn't really compliment me on my physique anymore. I started to cry. Having a child can do some horrible things to your body, so it hit kinda hard. Not only do I have stretch marks, but I also weigh about 20 pounds more than I was before I found out I was pregnant- which was at five months. Notice I said before I found out, not before I became pregnant. Once I found out I was with child, I ate way more than I should have because I felt guilty about not knowing, (there were no symptoms), and not taking care of my body. So consequently, I gained 41 pounds total in the 41 weeks I was pregnant. Normal pregnancy weight gain is about 20-30 pounds. I can't fit any of my "pre-knowlege-pregnancy" clothes.

I went from a size 9 to a size 12/13. I only lost about 20 pounds after giving birth. Also my breasts are much bigger- I went from a size 38DD to a 42DDD. My breasts are full of milk since I am nursing my son. SO needless to say, I don't feel the prettiest right now. It doesn't help that my SO says my breasts are too big for him. "What am I supposed to do with them?", he asks me. He is also an ass man, which I lack. It's not that it's flat, but he calls it a "cute little ass." SO much for making me feel sexy. Thing is, when I was still pregnant, he always heard me complain about my growing body and would tell me that I still looked sexy, but now that I am no longer pregnant, when I complain all he says is that soon I can start going back to the gym. I don't think he means anything wrong by it, but how come he does't tell me that I am still pretty or sexy or anything like that? Does he not think it to be true? Was I only sexy when I was pregnant because I was carrying his child, and also because my hormones were out of control? ( I cried a lot for no real reason.)

I really do want to go back to the gym and get close to my old body back, my breasts won't go back until I stop breastfeeding. I would just like to hear him say something nice about my body sometimes. He knows I don't like it, but telling me to go back to the gym doesn't make anything better either.

Luke D. Ratliff

I had been in easy labor from 8 a.m. on June 29th until 3 p.m. on June 30th. I was admitted to the hospital at 3 p.m. on June 30th because my water level was low. Around 9:30 p.m. that night I was induced. They started me on Pitocin. A couple of hours later I was given Stadol, a pain killer to take the edge off. Not only did it do it's job but it also put me to sleep, making my labor way much easier and quicker. Luke was born shortly after at 3:56 a.m. on July 1st. He weighed in at 7 pounds and 9 ounces and was 21 inches long. He was the most adorable baby I had ever seen. I could not believe that I had just birthed a baby. Even when I think back to it now it feels surreal. But I wouldn't give him up for anything in the world. He is my beautiful, healthy baby boy. <3

Exciting News!

          This is most definitely an unexpected change in my life, for I am a mother to be. I am having a boy come late June. I now question my career. Should I continue to work after my maternity leave is up or should I finally start on my true goal of becoming an artist, whether it be to write stories or create things? With being a mother I find it would be difficult to find the time to be able to work for a company and do what I want to do. I also do not wish to make my partner the only source of income for us. Times will be tough but I know we will be able to get through this as long as we work together. 

World, be prepared to meet my little minion!