Friday, August 31, 2012

Things can get out of hand.

So everything blew up last night. I went over to his house to chill for the weekend, but he forced another conversation on me. It turned ugly really fast, and I just had enough of it all. I wish it didn't have to end so abruptly. I wish we could have ended on a good note. I feel not only like I lost my boyfriend, but a best friend as well. We both wish things could have been different, but maybe it's not for us. Only time will tell. As for now, I am single and I intend on staying that way for a while. I don't want another relationship, I need time for myself. Thank you for reading.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

And we move on...

          Okay so, if you haven't heard, I've moved back in with my mother and little brother. I needed space and this sounded like the best way to do so since my boyfriend was having trouble with the last way we were trying to have space. I feel as though too much happened too fast. He wants things to be set in stone, like marriage. I'm only 19!! I don't want to make a promise to him that I will one day marry him, I don't know that. I cannot even support myself, much less a family. There's just so many things that have brought me to this point, and I don't want to be here. This way may seemed forced, but it may also be the best.
 So far, I like it and so does Eli, my kitten. My boyfriend is trying to adjust to this, which is a step. However, here lies the dilemma: I'm not sure I want to be in a serious relationship at the moment, although I still love him. I am no longer in love, as I once was, and I still want to be friends. But of course, he does not want that type of thing. It's either he has all of me or he has none of me. So I don't really know what to do. I guess I could just wait things out for a while, but I don't want to be accused of leading him on. Which to me it isn't, since I have already told him this. In which he didn't really respond. We are just at a stand still.
          Furthermore, I dislike it when he asks me deep questions about our relationship, like do I still see a future with us. I don't know how to answer those questions, I normally just say "maybe" or "possibly". I don't see a future at the moment, but I just honestly do not know. I don't know the future. And, frankly I don't want to talk about it. I just want to live the here and now. So please, let me do that.