Monday, December 31, 2012

New Years Resolutions? 2013.

     This year I will turn 21 years old. This year I will spend more time with my family. This year I will do things that make me happy. not anyone else. This year I will get my first tattoo. This year I will buy a car and obtain a passport. This year I will get fit. This year I will experience what it is to be a "hippie". This year? This year is about me.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Its not happening

I can't do it. I'm not ready. I don't want anything serious. I can't deal with that kind of stress, I'm only 20 years old anyway, I have better things to do with my time then spend it trying to salvage something I really don't want. I know this seems confusing; I was confused. But now I know what I at least don't want, so now I can start working on what I do want. And what I want right now, is the freedom to choose what I want to do. So it begins.

Monday, November 5, 2012

life changing decisions

I have come to the conclusion that I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. It has come to my attention that time waits for no one, and the more time I spend apart from him the more time I waste in this petty state of mind of mine. I thought about it; what would be the difference in being single and having friends or dating and having friends? I recently asked myself why can't I have just guy friends. Probably because of the way I act and things I say. It's hard to put these thoughts into words at the moment, so please bear with me.
What I'm trying to say is that I want to be able to spend my life with him and still be able to hang out with JUST FRIENDS and go out and still live my life, but with him in it. I love this man, to no end. I fear of losing him with tremendous force. I love the way he is, inside and out, and I enjoy being with him. But I don't want to end up losing myself again. I can't afford that anymore. This will test my patience and self-discipline. But I believe I can do this, and do it right this time.
We will always need some kind of space between us, but for the better. Our lives don't need to focus only each other, but rather keep a balance. That's the key. Balance.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Where am I?

          For the past couple of weeks I have been hanging out with a new friend. He is a little over 10 years older than me, but obviously age doesn't matter to me, otherwise I wouldn't really speak to him at all. But some things have come up between us, things in which I feel are too serious. For me at this point in time anyway. So earlier today we had gotten into an argument about me not wanting to have sex with him (anymore) and not opening up to him and expressing my feelings. First off, I have a problem with opening up to anyone, and anyone that knows me well enough can tell you from experience. It takes a long time for me to truly spill my heart out to someone, and if I do then they are mighty special.
          He likes me, more than I like him and with a different tone. That's bad enough already. I am at a point in my life where I don't want anything serious, I don't want anyone to fall for me, much less have those kind of feelings for me, and I know I cannot stop someone from having those feelings, I would just rather not deal with it. In addition, I still have feelings for my ex and he for I. In which everyone knows this! I just don't want to deal with this kind of pressure at the moment, and I am the type of person to avoid things like this altogether. Sometimes at all costs. This would be the cost of a friend. But he is the one walking out on me. Although he tries to make it seem like I am the one walking out on him, but that don't fly around here. Not with me.
          Twice has he told me he no longer wanted anything to do with me, and twice has he come back apologizing. He needs to make up his mind, deal with me or don't.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Birthday Girl!

Today I turn 20 years old! I am super excited for a a few reasons. I am the first female in my direct family that has not married at the age of 19! Whoo! I'm proud of myself, haha. Eventually I will also be the first of my immediate family to graduate from college, but that's another story. Today I will be spending time with a somewhat special-ish person who for whatever reason I still give a damn about. But that's all cool. He wants to get in my pants, but I don't really want that to happen. I'm afraid of what the outcome would be. He's still attached to me and says he still loves me, and it's weird. I just don't want to mess anything up, and although he believes it won't, I believe it will. But let's just see what happens. Anyway, I'll go and enjoy my day. Thank you for reading.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Birthday in 8 days.

          I will turn 20 years old in 8 days! I plan on having a small party at my house. I'm going to get drunk and that's about all I've gotten planned so far! If you're wondering about my ex, he's trying to cope being without me 24/7. As my mother had pointed out to me, he was dependent on being around me all the time, and I guess that's one of the places we messed up at. I got tired of it, while he loved it. Anywho, he's still slightly depressed, but at least we can talk to each other now like civilized people! No more yelling and bullying.
          I'm enjoying spending time with my family and friends like I used to. I'm bored a lot of the times, but I'm really happy! So all in all, it works for me.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Update 2

          So far, since he apparently wants me out of his life, my days have been going great! School is still hectic, and soon I might get a mini Netbook. Just something for now to help me along with my studies. I've recently sparked up an old friendship, and I really like this guy. It's nice to just hang out with someone with no strings attached. He listens to my problems, we chill together, and he lives just up the road from me. It takes maybe about 5-10 minutes to get to his house, depending on if the dogs don't try to chase me away. It kind of feels like a relief from all of the pain and unhappiness that the relationship had caused. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't always like that, but in the end that's what it came down to. I'm still in the midst of retrieving my things from his place, but I'm almost done. Hopefully we both will be able to move on to better things from here. Honestly, it hurt when he told me he didn't want to be friends anymore, and I don't know if he thinks I'm losing him, but I can tell you he has already lost me. If someone doesn't want to be in my life, then so be it. Just don't expect to walk back in, the locks will have already been changed. But, in losing not only a once was great boyfriend and a best friend, I have gained many other friends. One, which I have already mentioned, is becoming like a best friend. I don't completely know him, but I like what I see so far. And he is SEXY!!!

Friday, August 31, 2012

Things can get out of hand.

So everything blew up last night. I went over to his house to chill for the weekend, but he forced another conversation on me. It turned ugly really fast, and I just had enough of it all. I wish it didn't have to end so abruptly. I wish we could have ended on a good note. I feel not only like I lost my boyfriend, but a best friend as well. We both wish things could have been different, but maybe it's not for us. Only time will tell. As for now, I am single and I intend on staying that way for a while. I don't want another relationship, I need time for myself. Thank you for reading.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

And we move on...

          Okay so, if you haven't heard, I've moved back in with my mother and little brother. I needed space and this sounded like the best way to do so since my boyfriend was having trouble with the last way we were trying to have space. I feel as though too much happened too fast. He wants things to be set in stone, like marriage. I'm only 19!! I don't want to make a promise to him that I will one day marry him, I don't know that. I cannot even support myself, much less a family. There's just so many things that have brought me to this point, and I don't want to be here. This way may seemed forced, but it may also be the best.
 So far, I like it and so does Eli, my kitten. My boyfriend is trying to adjust to this, which is a step. However, here lies the dilemma: I'm not sure I want to be in a serious relationship at the moment, although I still love him. I am no longer in love, as I once was, and I still want to be friends. But of course, he does not want that type of thing. It's either he has all of me or he has none of me. So I don't really know what to do. I guess I could just wait things out for a while, but I don't want to be accused of leading him on. Which to me it isn't, since I have already told him this. In which he didn't really respond. We are just at a stand still.
          Furthermore, I dislike it when he asks me deep questions about our relationship, like do I still see a future with us. I don't know how to answer those questions, I normally just say "maybe" or "possibly". I don't see a future at the moment, but I just honestly do not know. I don't know the future. And, frankly I don't want to talk about it. I just want to live the here and now. So please, let me do that.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Space might do us some good.

So update, I'm not single, but I have decided to move out. Hopefully that help cool some things down. I'm not fully sure of what I want at the moment however. A part of me wants to be completely free of any relationship burden but I still love him. I feel confused. Anyway, I'm moving back in with my mother in Dudley, and I'll be visiting him on the weekends. Let's see how that goes.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Did I make the right choice?

Dear readers, I have come to my breaking point in this relationship. I have come to the sad conclusion that I am not ready for this, I cannot take anymore. I told him that I was falling out of love because the bad has overcome the good. He, and these situations, have pushed me to the edge. I'm not sure what to do now. I wonder if we REALLY could have worked things out. But honestly, we've been saying that we'd work things out and that we'd get through them, but the past week has shown us both otherwise. He still has trust issues, whether he wants to admit it or not, I believe he does. There are many things that contribute to my decision, but I will miss him and the good times we have had together. I will always cherish those times. Who knows, maybe things will change. Neither of us know what the future has in store for either of us. Thank you for reading.

Questions, Comments, Requests?

Saturday, August 4, 2012


     I've been recently thinking about seriously practicing Naturism. According to Wikipedia, Naturism or nudism is a cultural and political movement practicing, advocating and defending social nudity in private and in public. It is also a lifestyle in harmony with nature, expressed through social nudity, and characterised by self-respect of people with different opinions and of the environment.

I've been contemplating this for some time now, and I would really like to have this kind of experience because 1, I like being naked. 2, I'm not embarrassed by my body image- that's not what is important as much as the spirit and mind is to me. 3, I believe that I would feel more in touch with nature surrounding me. I would feel as though people would be able to see me for me, past the clothes, past the skin color, and past any deformities of my body. People could see me for me. We were born naked, not clothed.

Although others may not agree with me or my decision, this is something I would have to experience for myself regardless of who comes with me or will still accept me. I'm not changing the way I am, only the lifestyle. The difference is clothing.

Naturism can sometimes contain aspects of eroticism, although the debate about this is often simplified and seen negatively in the media and the public mind and by many modern naturists and naturist organisations. Historically the experience and discussion of erotic feelings during naturist activities such as dance and gymnastics played an important part in early Germanic naturism and formed part of its 'positive' connection with nature. However, it was when naturism arrived in the more sexually conservative cultures of the UK and the United States that the expression and discussion of eroticism within naturism became frowned upon.

This is not the case with me. Being naked makes me feel free from societies expectations, I feel more in control of my body and my life. My decisions do not reflect the way I feel about sex, although I cannot lie, I like sex a lot. But becoming a Naturist has nothing to do with any sexual acts for me.

Some may say that practicing nudism/naturism can be beneficiary. A United States study by Alfred Kinsey found that 75% of the participants stated that there was never nudity in the home when they were growing up, 5% of the participants said that there was "seldom" nudity in the home, 3% said "often", and 17% said that it was "usual". The study found that there was no significant difference between what was reported by men and by women with respect to frequency of nudity in the home.

In a 1995 review of the literature, Paul Okami concluded that there was no reliable evidence linking exposure to parental nudity to any negative effect. Three years later, his team finished an 18-year longitudinal study that showed that, if anything, such exposure was associated with slight beneficial effects, particularly for boys.

Naturist ideals

— bathing in the sun, fresh air and water (balneotherapy, thalassotherapy, heliotherapy).

— moderation with alcohol, meat, tobacco, drugs; seeking out health foods and adopting healthy eating to prevent obesity. This can extend to teetotalism and Vegetarian or Vegan eating habits. The latter two also interface with having respect for the environment.
Agriculture — avoiding unnecessary fertilizers and genetically modified organisms. Against factory farming
Medicine — should be natural if not entirely homeopathic

— as a way of effecting personal changes
Rapport with other humans — equality and respect. An anti-war, pro-world government stance

— children should be respected as equals instead of being patronised

— man is no more than an animal, and nudity has a place in religion.
Dress — nudism, as clothes are unnecessary, unhealthy and build social barriers.

— to develop a healthy body.

— should be to develop individual talents, not as a means of financial exploitation

— to understand other peoples' culture, concentrating on camping to remain close to the earth.

— no one has the right to tell others or their children that they must wear clothes.

— less clothing to manufacture and maintain means lower carbon footprint.

Individuals have formed nudist groups for a variety of specific purposes.[14] It is generally agreed by naturist organisations that eroticismand blatant sexuality have no place in naturism and are, in fact, antithetical to its ideals.

Ecological or environmental — rapport with the natural world.

Many people say that being nude in groups makes them feel more accepted for their entire being — physical, intellectual and emotional. They say that they tend to be more accepted, in spite of differences in age, body shape, fitness, and health. Without clothing, one's social rank is generally obscured. They report feeling more united with humanity, with less regard to a person's wealth, position, nationality, race, and sex.

Please tell me what you really think.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Selling furniture.

Who needs furniture at cheap prices? We have bookshelves, dishwashers, dining room set, small televisions, desks, office supplies, etc. Contact me.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Random thoughts

So, I have a friend named E whom is pregnant at the moment. I tend to ask her many questions pertaining to how her pregnangy is going. I am very interested in how human life is formed apparently, though I am not interested in experiencing it firsthand yet, I just find the process fascinating. I don't really know how to explain it, but I believe that I'd make a great mother. Just having the experience of watching my little brother grow up and knowing him since he was born is just amazing. Watching my boyfriend's little brother grow up is fascinating as well, since I am currently living with his family, and see him more often than I do my own little brother. I can just see him grow through phase after phase, and seeing E grow through her pregnancy is priceless. I believe I would like to experience this for myself one day, but just not now, ya know?! Just thought I'd share this with you guys lol. Anyways, any questions, comments, or requests?

Tuesday, July 3, 2012


Well, my car has already been sold and the title was transferred just today. My apologies if anyone else had wanted it, but it was first come, first serve. Thank you again, Sarah and Travis. I hope they like the car and treat her well.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Just Metal

     Although I do love my car, I now feel as though it was a bad monetary decision. It needs a new battery, new tires and rims, insurance and tags. And that's not even the half of it, it needs more work done but that work isn't mandatory. If I want to drive it, it needs what I just said. So, I am left with two options. I can keep it. If I keep it, then I am going to need to buy a car cover, since that's what the city officials said. It doesn't have tags, so it can't sit in the yard without being covered. I also don't have the money at the moment to fix it, so it would just sit in the yard and essentially rot. If I sold it, I probably wouldn't even make any profit, but at least I might be able to make the money back that I put into it. -Sigh- I really like this car too, but I can't afford to keep it any longer. So, any takers? It's a tan colored, 1989 Nissan 300zx.

 Bid starts at $500. That's what I paid for it.

Friday, June 29, 2012


                [Music playing] “So fucking blow those words at the back of your head. I’ve heard it all and I’m done with that shit! You tell me lies and you get what you get, so blow those fucking words at the back of your head!..”
 “Oh, I love this song! I haven’t heard it in forever.” Rachel sits down on the bed next to her laptop as she turns up the volume. She logs onto her Facebook account with the look of boredom on her face. –Why do I even stay up here?  All I do is lurk and wait for people to talk to me.-
                She closes the laptop and goes in search for her boyfriend whom she lives with. “Jake! Jaaaakke! Whar arr yoouu?!!” She walks into the kitchen looking for him. Just as she was about to walk outside to look for him, he walks in from the side door connecting to the kitchen. “Oh hey, there you are. I was looking for you. What are you up to?” she asks.
“Oh, nothing. But are you busy?” he responds.
“No, not really. Why?”
“Oh no reason, but I have a surprise for you. So we should get ready to go.”
“Go where?”
“Uh huh. Okay.” She turns around and goes back to the room to get ready to go nowhere. –I wonder what he’s up to now...-
                After they’re both done getting ready they leave the house. Jake has brought a book bag with him, which looks stuffed to the point of almost bursting. He walks to the car, as if he is about to get in and drive somewhere.
-Oh, are we going somewhere?-
But just as Rachel is about to get in with him he gets back out.
-Oh, so we’re not going anywhere.-
“I thought about plugging my phone in to charge, but I realized that it was alright on the battery life. So, you ready?”
They both start walking down the driveway and onto the road.
“Hey baby, will you carry this?” Jake asks.
“Uh, if you want me to.”
“Sure, no problem.”
“Thank you. I’d carry it on my shoulders but I can’t because of the sunburn. Otherwise I’d just carry it in              my hands but it hurts to do that too.”
                Although Rachel really didn’t want to carry the book bag, she understood how much pain Jake was in from the sunburn. Earlier that week when they had gone to a lake, Jake had forgotten to put on sunscreen until after he had been in the hot sun and water for almost three hours. So consequently, he had blisters and sensitive, red skin on his shoulders, biceps, chest, neck and face, therefore unable to do normal daily activities while being in tremendous pain. She took the book bag and carried it on her back. It wasn’t heavy, but it was full of something.
                They begin walking down their driveway.
-Ah, I bet we’re going to the bridge again. Predictable, but I still like it.-
They walk down their street into an intersection and turn to the left. As they’re walking they pass a few yellow flowers.
“Ooh, they’re pretty.”
Upon hearing Rachel’s comment, Jake decides to go and pick her a few of them.
“Are you picking me flowers?”
“Please don’t. I like them and I’ll appreciate it because I think it’s sweet, but then they’ll just die. You’ll be giving me dying flowers as a present.”
“Whatever, I’m doing it anyway.”
“Don’t—ugh. You did it anyways.”
                Rachel isn’t one for the whole flowers as gifts thing. She feels that though flowers are pretty and it’s a sweet gesture, they’re just going to wilt and die within a matter of minutes. She really can’t stand it when people spend a lot of money on real flowers that would just die the next day or so. But apparently, Jake ignores this and does it anyway because he knows she’d still like it, and he likes to do it.
                They reach a side road to the right and take it. At this point, since Rachel often has a lot of back pain, her back began to hurt. But she doesn’t say anything.
“Hey baby?”
Rachel turns to Jake to see what he wanted when suddenly he just takes her by the hand and pulls her closer to him. He leans in for a big wet kiss, and smothers her lips with his. They stand there in the middle of the road, kissing passionately.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, baby.”
                After their public scene, they begin walking again. They get to the end of the road and take a left. A few hundred feet later and they come across train tracks. To the right of the tracks is a bridge. They’ve been to this bridge before for their one year anniversary and several times since then. It’s like a refuge or sanctuary to them, if you will. They walk underneath the bridge to the spot where they always go to. There are already huge rocks piled in place to help them scale the bridge to a spot where they are allowed to sit. Jake climbs up first in order to help Rachel up. Though they have piled up rocks, it is always difficult to climb up onto the wall, since the rocks always move.
                When they’re both finally up there, Jack unpacks what was in the book bag. He pulls out a thick blanket and three cans of spray paint, white, blue and gray, along with a pipe and a green metal container.
“Wow!” exclaims Rachel. “I thought I heard spray paint in there, but how did you fit that huge blanket in the book bag?”
“I just did! I am the master..”
They spread the blanket down so they can lay on it. It’s around 8:45PM now, and it’s getting quite dark, so they use their cell phones for light in order to see.
                Now lying down, the pipe and green container are being put into play. The smell becomes much stronger as more and more smoke arises from the pipe. A few puffs are taken… a shotgun here and there… and Jake and Rachel are calm and feeling happy. Jake puts up the utensils and picks up the spray paint.
“What are you going to draw?” asks Rachel.
“It’s a surprise.”
So she holds her phone for light, sits back and watches Jake make his masterpiece. He draws a heart in blue paint, and then goes over it in white. He picks up the gray and starts to trace over the heart once more. He pauses.
“Wow that looks horrible. Dammit I fucked up. I thought the gray would make it look like silver, but I realize I need silver… That’s not going to work, I shouldn’t have done that. Ugh, okay let me see if I can fix it.”
He picks up back the blue and completely re-paints the heart, and then again in white.
Above the heart he writes his name in cursive lightly with the white paint. He goes over it in blue, and to our surprise the white leaks through and makes it look icy.
“Wow baby, look how it’s all icy and frosty-looking. Somehow the white leaked through the blue.”
“Oh, that’s pretty cool.”
“Hey I have an idea; you should do the same thing below the heart.”
                Rachel picks up the white and writes her name in cursive, and again in blue. As a final touch, Jake takes the blue paint and writes –N- in the middle of the heart. Both step back to get a better look at it. It reads Jake –N- Rachel, as any couple would write. The picture as a whole looked pretty decent, and they also learned a cool spray paint trick.
                Startlingly, they hear a loud train horn nearby.
“The train is coming!”
                Patiently waiting for the train to arrive their way; they begin another make-out session. It starts with simple kissing, which turns into passionate kissing. Jake likes to use his tongue when he kisses Rachel, and does do quite often. The kisses get hotter as Jake’s hands go lower down her body. First he begins to fondle her breasts, making her nipples hard. His hand goes up her shirt, rubbing every part it comes in contact with. He lifts her shirt and takes her breasts out of her bra, but keeps the bra intact.
                Both of Jake’s hands are squeezing and pinching and rubbing all over her breasts, forcing her nipples to get even harder. They can hear the train getting closer and closer, but that does not deter Jake from stopping. His hand goes a little lower, down to her belt. He unbuckles her belt and unzips her pants. He starts rubbing her crotch on the outside of her panties slowly, trying to arouse her more. He slips his hand in her panties and a finger between her lips, moist and warm.
                At this point she begins to moan a little, getting wetter as he plays with her clitoris.
The sound gets closer.
“Baby”, gasps Rachel, “the train is getting closer. Let’s… wait for it please….”
“But I don’t want to wait.”
                As he says this, he slips two fingers in her pussy and starts to finger her, thrusting upwards every time he goes in. As the noise becomes louder and louder, Rachel becomes more and more nervous. She has a slight fear of trains, plus they’re fucking loud!
 At the spot they’re at, with the train tracks being directly under the bridge, they have perfect view of the train if it were to pass them. 
“But baby, I’m getting scared. Just wait please.”
Jake stops to try to calm her down, “don’t be scared baby. I’m here, I’ll keep you safe.”
He helps her put her clothes back on correctly.
“I know, but it’s still kind of scary.”
“You’ll be fine, I promise. Here, lay back with me.”
                Rachel climbs into his lap and lays back on him. She grabs her jacket and puts it on top of her.
They can hear the sound getting louder, and it seems to be getting closer, but it’s taking a while to reach them. They know there is a train station nearby, so they know it can’t be but so far away. Soon Rachel can see the lights of the train from afar.
“It’s coming! It’s coming! Oh, I’m so nervous! But I’m really excited too!”
“Quick, you should pack the pipe.”
Rachel does as she’s told.
“Oh, I wonder if I can get a picture of this and post it to Reddit. Quick can you hand me my phone too? Hopefully it hasn’t died yet.”
                She acts with haste since the train is now only a few feet away. Before you know it, the train horn is blaring as it passes right by them. They both jump from the bellowing noise. To his surprise, Jake gets at least one decent picture of the train as its right in front of him. The pipe comes into play once more as Rachel inhales the smoke and passes it on to Jake.     
-This is so thrilling! I absolutely love this moment! It’s scary, but it’s so beautiful and romantic. He’s always so good to me.-
Jake turns her head to him and kisses her while the train is still passing by.
“I love you Rachel.”
“I love you too, Jake.”
The train is gone now and there is nothing left but silence.
“Now where were we?” asks Jake.
“Oh wow, and so what, we’re going to act like nothing just happened? Haha, okay. Well If I recall correctly, we were kissing and you were touching me in naughty places!”
“Oh was I? What kind of naughty places? Why don’t you show me where?”
She proceeds to remove her pants and panties, tossing them aside.
He takes her hand and places it on her still moist and warm pussy.
“Rub it.”
                She does as she is told without any kind of resistance. As he watches her rub her clit, he begins to fondly her breasts more and squeeze them in his hands tightly. He places his hand back on hers…. makes her slip one of her fingers into her wet pussy… he slips his finger in too… she gets wetter.
If anyone were outside they probably would have been able to hear the moans and whimpers from Rachel. The feeling of her pussy being fingered is becoming overwhelming- she begins to gasp for air due to the lack of oxygen because she is taking shorter and sharper breaths.
                Jake likes the sound of her whimpering and gasping for air, so he makes it more intense. He wanted to hear her do this more, louder, and more concentrated on him. He caresses her neck before forcefully grabbing it with just enough grip, but not too much to cause injury or bruising. It becomes slightly harder for Rachel to breathe, but it is still possible. This doesn’t bother her because of her submissive tendencies during sex, so she enjoys it quite frankly when Jake does this to her. She commences to moan louder, like she knew Jake wanted her to, even though it’s not easy.
                He fingers her harder, thrusting with each and every time he goes back in.
-Mmmm. I think I’m going to cum... Goddamn it, this feels so amazing.-
“Mmmmmmmph, ahh, ahh, aaaahhh.”
“Yeah, you like that?”
                He stops choking her, slightly chuckling at the way she had spoken- muffled and high pitched. Instead, he becomes completely focused on getting her to cum for him and to scream his name. Harder, faster, and deeper his fingers go. One, two, three fingers. Wet, warm, and cum-filled her pussy turns into.
“Hey baby?”
“Yeah?” responds Rachel as she sits up in her own mess on the blanket.
“Will you give me a blowjob?”
“…Of course!”
                Jake unzips his pants and removes his shoes, socks, and pants altogether. She turns around to see his hard cock appear, and almost instinctively, covers it with her mouth. She licks up and down his shaft, letting her tongue ring massage him. She sucks on the sides of his cock, as if trying to leave hickeys. She licks lower down to his balls in small circles with her tongue ring still massaging him. Though Jake is a hairy man, Rachel doesn’t mind licking and sucking on his balls. However, she absolutely loathes the feeling of hair in her mouth, but she still does it because she knows how much Jake likes it.
                She makes one of Jake’s testicles plop into her mouth so she can suck on it. She does the same for his other testicle. Enthralled, Jake buries her face into his privates and smothers her. After a few seconds she pulls away gasping for air. Immediately, she goes back to having his hard cock in her mouth. Deeper and deeper, he fills her throat full with his dick.  She grabs the base of his penis with his head and most of the shaft still in her mouth and starts sucking and blowing, harder and harder.
[Jake sighs from his enjoyment]
                She sticks her tongue out so he can feel the tongue ring better and slowly goes down on his shaft, his penis sliding into her throat, all the way until she can take no more. But by this point she can feel that the head of his penis is already past her uvula. It’s extremely difficult to breathe when her throat is clogged up like this, so she can’t stay in this position too long, even though she wants to get better at this. But every time she thinks she can handle it, she pushes herself to go deeper and tries to stay like this longer. Just to be able to fully satisfy Jake more than she knows she already does. In all, she just wants to excel in her sexual activities.
“Baby, can I fuck your throat?”
Interrupted from her concentration, Rachel lets up, coughing and gasping for air yet again. “Ah, oh. Yes, but just for a little while. It hurts too, ya know? You tend to get carried away sometimes…”
“I promise I won’t get carried away. I just really want to fuck your throat baby...”
                As requested, she lets him raze her throat with little resistance. Every now and then she must arise for air, coughing hard but getting right back into the rhythm every time.
                Now mind you, these two are still out in public at night. People still walk the streets at night here and could quite easily had seen us. But the fact of, one, doing something you’re not supposed to do in public, and two, having the possibility of getting caught is ecstatic to the both of them. Nevertheless, Rachel still feels paranoid every time they have sex in public, thus constantly being on the lookout for strangers.
“I don’t think I can take anymore… I need a little break baby.” Rachel sits up, partially for air and also because she was getting too paranoid.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.  I’m just paranoid. We are still outside, you know.”
“But you like it.”
With no comeback, Rachel just stares off into the darkness.
“This position is hurting my knees, can we switch positions?” asks Rachel while changing sitting positions.
“ Yeah, but can I fuck your throat one more time? Please?”
“[sigh] Ok, one more time.”
                Rachel often finds no trouble in acquiescing Jake’s requests. Again, this goes back to her submissive side. Jake takes her head in his hands and shoves his cock back down her throat with brute force. Deeper and faster, he shoves his cock in, out, in, out, in and out of her throat, but stays completely in her mouth. He stabs her cheeks from the inside, stretching them almost past their limits. He slaps her face with a firm hand, but again not enough to injure her. Sure, her cheeks will be sore afterwards and they might be a little swollen. But no pain, no gain. Not once does he let up; he stays mighty and steady, destroying her throat for his pleasure.
“Baby, can I cum in your throat? You feel amazing. And I really, really want to drown you in my cum.” He strokes her hair and the back of her neck while waiting for an answer.
“Eh, but my knees hurt.”
“I know but I really want you baby, please?!”
“Okay, fine.”
“Mmm, thank you baby. But can I fuck your throat one more time?”
“One more time? That’s what you said last time!”
“I know baby, but you don’t understand how good your throat feels to me. Please?”
“[sigh] Ookayy. Only because I love you.”
                Deep throat.
Jake releases himself inside Rachel’s mouth. She sits up, mouth filled with semen. She savors the flavor for a few seconds before taking one giant swallow in order to get everything all at once.
“So baby”, Jake comments upon watching his girlfriend swallow his jizz with delight, “what position do you want to be in? Where do you want me to be?”
“Oh, you know where I want you to be.”
“Oh, do I? And where is that?”
“Mmm, in my pussy..”
“Well then you should lie on your stomach.”
                She turns around and lies on her tummy. He rubs his still hard cock against her moist pussy. He slaps her lips and clit with the head of his dick. He puts just the head in, enough for her to feel it but want it deeper. He plays like this with her for a few minutes, stimulating her wildest fantasies and provoking her to beg for more. As she pokes her ass out for him, he grabs her neck with both hands so he could have a brace for what he was about to do. He thrusts deeply and vigorously- in, out, in, out. Rachel whimpers his name as she makes a mess squirting.
“Get on your back,” he demands, releasing her throat.
                He climbs on top of her and shoves his cock deep into her wet pussy. He stays like this for a few seconds, pulls out quickly and shoves it right back in.
“Oh my god, Jake. Nph… mmmph…”
Her moans get louder and more frequent when he starts fucking her harder and deeper. He lifts her legs up close to her head, rapidly penetrating her.
“Hold your legs,” he commands.
Now with the use of his hands again, he focuses on Rachel’s tight, wet pussy. Soon they’re moaning together, creating an even bigger, stickier mess. She can feel his semen shoot up inside her, deep and thick.
“Mmmm papi. [Panting from shortness of breath]”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, baby”
“What do we have to clean up with?” Jake asks while getting out and off of Rachel.
“Well, I wore two shirts here, so we can just use one of them,” she replies, showing him the clothes.
“Well it’ll have to do.”
                They clean themselves up as much as they could and started to pack up what they brought with them. They also place the dirty shirt in the book bag, both reluctant to touch it.
“That was amazing, Jake.”
“You were too, Rachel!”
                Jake climbs down first in order to help Rachel on her way down. They gather their things and set out to go back home, using their now dying phones for light, at least to get back to the road since it is dark under the bridge.
-Well this was really fun. Trains don’t seem that scary anymore, but they’re still loud as fuck! Mmm, I’m ready to go home now. I just want to lay down with Jake and relax...-
Stopping directly in front of Rachel, Jake asks, “So did you have a good time?”
“Why yes I did, baby! It was absolutely ecstatic!”
“Good! Did you also know that this is where we were going? To the bridge, I mean.”
“I kinda figured, since that’s the only place we’ve been going recently. But I still loved and appreciated it.        I really did, Jake. Thank you!”
“… Mm well good.”
                They reach where the train tracks meet back to the road, and no longer had use for their cell phones anymore due to street lights. Taking the same roads they did to get to the bridge, they made it back home safely, holding hands all the way there.”

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Where's the money?

Oh, you guys! I feel so butt-hurt LOL. This is the first time this has ever happened to me at a job. So at closing time, my boss and I are counting our drawers, and mine decides to come up  as 81 dollars OVER. Not short, but over. Having your drawer be either is still bad either way. Anyways, we realize that this is completely wrong and start scrambling our brains to figure out exactly where it went wrong. We ended up having to count all of the cash drawers that were used today and re-count our drawers, count the safe, ... all kinds of things. Well we didn't exactly calculate where it went wrong, even after calling our main boss lady. And well frankly, this sucks. Like I said before, this is the first time this had ever happened to me, and I know I didn't take it, but that it was left in my drawer. I just really want to know what happened, and the only thing that really sticks out to me is that I had a conversation with one lady customer for about 10 minutes. I know that she didn't really buy a lot but enough to get a big bag, and that she paid in cash. And that's where I'm thinking I might have not handed her back her change. But I COULD HAVE SWORN THAT I DID!! Ya' see? And even if I didn't, you'd think that she would have said something, unless she was so into talking to me that she didn't notice. Anywho, I didn't mean to do it and I feel horrible for having something like this happen, especially if it were my fault. It makes me not only feel bad but look bad too, because people can get fired for having their drawers over or under a certain amount. And 81 dollars is quite a lot to be missing/over. Oh well, I will still take full responsibility for what happened, because I should have been paying more attention either way.

Stay Creative

Creativity is one of the critical key factors to staying happy and in learning how to keep moving forward. I like to stay creative in all of my interests. Sometimes, I have trouble in staying creative or finding motivation and inspiration in things. If you have the same problem, here are a few ways to think creatively!

And if that didn't help you, check out this weird video.

50 Things You Don't Need to Know

I find it interesting when I know others with seemingly useless knowledge because it often makes for great conversation in my eyes, even if I do not understand, because the more knowledge you have the better off you are. Here are 50 things you don't need to know.

50 Things you don't need to know

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Psychology of color.

Ever since I moved in with my boyfriend, I've turned into a pretty little house wife, although we are not married. In other words I've just been into the whole "tending to a house" thing, ya know like what are the best cleaning supplies to use, laundry detergent, keeping good and healthy food in the house, making everything nice and pretty, you know that kind of stuff. Although I cannot have everything the way I really want it, because his family lives with us and most of the house is cluttered with their stuff, I try to keep up with the upkeep lol. While I was on StumbleUpon, I found this nifty little website about the psychology of color and what colors you should paint your house for the best results. Check it out!

Apocalyptic Index

I doubt I'm the only one who believes in any kind of post-apocalyptic world, right? And to be honest, anything could happen. I'm not just talking about zombies or aliens, but about disease/infection outbreaks, military control, nuclear warfare, etc. Well anywho, since I believe in this, I've taken the liberty of making myself savvy in the whole knowing how to survive stuff. Well, I'm trying anyways. Plus even if nothing ever happens, it'd be a wonderful array of skills to have, right?

Monday, April 30, 2012


Okay, so some of you guys have been bugging me for another story. I'll have you know that I'm currently working on one right now! I've just been busy lately. But, I know, I know, no excuses, right?
Wow, there were so many commas in that sentence, LOL. Anywho.
My boyfriend and I have been thinking about it lately, and we have decicded that he is going to run for the President of our Phi Beta Lambda local chapter, and I shall run for secretary. It seems like it would be a lot of fun, plus it would go towards my support for him getting into his Public Speaking career. Also, let's face it. Every great man has a great woman by his side, or should anyways. And who's better than me for this job? I'll need to keep him in line and whatnot. So we'll see how this goes.

Oh, if you didn't know, last Thursday, April 26th 2012 made our Anniversary, Year One. There are some pictures already posted on My Life As a Photo Album, go check them out!

Hmmm, what else?

I finally got my results back from my Colposcopy. Good news is that I don't have any cancerous cells floating in my cervix, and there was no bad news, so yay! I will, however, need another PAP in the next six months. So hopefully it really was nothing to be worried about.

Ah, as far as my Self-Improvement goes, I admit that I have been slacking off. I started to learn a little bit of German, but that stopped shortly. I don't want to push back anything, I'd like to keep with the schedule, I'll  just have to double up. Starting May, I'll be working with herbs and natural medicines and languages. Lol, maybe I should learn the properties of herbs and medicines in German, not English. That would be challenging! But maybe not.

I have recently picked up my guitar again, maybe I'll upload a video to Youtube and show off my (lack of) skills.

Aaaaand I think that's about it for now. I'll try to keep you guys updated and post more interesting... posts... yeah.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed!

Friday, April 6, 2012


How do you tell someone that they don't sexually please you like they used to? Do you tell them in the first place? And what would you do if you were in that situation, whether you were giving the news or receiving the news? Please tell me what you really think.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

My letter to the company AVON

Hello. My name is Raquel Rodriguez, and I recently became an Independent Sales Representative for this company, AVON. And what I was wondering was why you guys have the credit limit set up the way you do. Because the way it's going now is that I'm losing money trying to sell your products and I don't think that's fair. The customers I have give me big orders, which means when I put the order in it goes over $100. And currently, my credit limit is $100. So what I was told is that when my order goes over this limit, I have to pay the difference, which is where I feel that this is not fair. Why should I have to pay this difference? I won't charge my customers that extra cash because that wouldn't be fair. Is this your way of cheating your representatives? Does this mean that your representatives are representing cheaters? Because that's what it sounds like to me. I like selling AVON, but I don't like losing money trying to do so.

Thank you for your time,
A dissatisfied, Independent Sales Representative.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

How wicked?

What do you do if you feel like everything is falling apart...slowly...because of your actions?
What if you could only observe it all?
How wicked would that be?

What do you do when you no longer feel the same way you once did?
What if you never really felt that way in the first place?
How wicked would that be?

What do you do when you've lied to everyone... including yourself?
What if it was your guilty pleasure?
How wicked would that be?

What do you do when your happiness has been drained?
What if you could never recover?
How wicked would that be?

Friday, March 30, 2012

Things will arise

So I'm happy that I finally got my car. All I need to do now is put insurance on it when I get the money.
I need to super clean it out too, which I seem to do a lot. But that's a good thing.
It is an '89 Nissan 300zx (or something like that). It's a nice sports car.

I already presented my VOODOO speech, which my classmates seemed to absolutely LOVE! Though the teacher had some second thoughts, but it's alright. I'm working on another speech for PBL, Phi Beta lambda for the SLC, State Leadership Conference. Funny thing about this is that Daniel and I are both in the Public Speaking competition. And since there can only be two people that go to Nationals per state, there is a slim chance that both of us could win and we could both go! Wish us luck!

Recently I went to the doctor for a follow-up on an earlier appointment, and it seems as though I will have to have a procedure done on this body of mine, so I have that to look forward to I guess. It's called a Colposcopy. They need to do a cervical biopsy- in lamens terms they need to look at my cervix. I'm not really nervous about the procedure going wrong or anything, I just wonder what the results will be.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

My first week of selling AVON

          So, as you may have already known, I recently became an Independent Sales Representative for the company AVON, and it's been about a week and a half already. So far since today was the first day that I could go ahead and submit my orders, I've had a total of 5, all coming to one amount of $132.96. I'd say that's not bad. I haven't quite calculated my earnings yet though. But so far I really like it! It gives me a chance to meet new people and get into my business-self lol. Also, I've decided on buying the car instead of the laptop. I currently have enough money for only the car itself and getting new tags. I'll have to wait on insurance. But soon, I hope! I really like the car. Sometime I will post a picture of it. It's an ugly car, but it's MY ugly car lol.
Also, I've been working on a speech for my Public Speaking class; it's on Voodoo. Cool, huh?
Well, sorry to make this short, but I must go help with dinner. Mother is sick.
Hope you enjoyed!
Q's, C's, R's?

Friday, March 16, 2012

Car or laptop?

So here are my two options. (Three technically if I choose to do neither)

Option one:: Buy a car. It's not new. It has about 150,000 miles on it, but it still runs good. It's the car of my dreams really. It's an old Nissan sports car. It was my first car, actually. It's a straight shift, which I love!!
It would cost me $500 total, no payments or anything. I would need to get tags, the registration in my name, and insurance. The whole nine yards really.
Pros: I would have a car!No more having to rely on others to get myself places. Though I do already have a reliable source for rides.
Cons: I would add another bill in my life. Insurance. I don't know how much it would cost me every month to make sure I had insurance. But, I might also have some kind of connect so that my insurance wouldn't be so high, I just haven't really looked into it yet. It also might need a new radiator. And it looks like shit, but I still like it.

Option two:: Buy a laptop. I had one before, but it got stolen on my 18th birthday. So I could get a new one, and an even better one.
Pros:: I would be able to keep up with all of my internet duties, which I seem to have quite a lot now. I could keep up on my schoolwork, my blog and my AVON store. I wouldn't have to borrow anyone else's computer or worry about using the computers at the college.
Cons:: I wouldn't have my car. I don't really see any cons to this choice.

Any suggestions?
Thank you for reading!


This past Wednesday, March 14 2012, I went to Excision. It was like a dubstep concert. Along with me was my lovely boyfriend, my sister, and my friend who invited us. Well when we got there is was alright, there weren't that many people there yet. But as the place started to hype up, my sister, who was drunk, kept tugging on my arm to go dance with her. Now I was completely sober, so it was kind of hard to get into the rhythm of everything, but I tried to dance anyways with my boyfriend. And it didn't really work out for me. I say this because my boyfriend cannot dance. So when we try to, we're not on the same beat and rhythm, so it's really hard to dance. So I didn't really want to dance anymore. And this is the way I see it: I want to dance with my boyfriend, but he can't dance. I would dance with my sister, but she's an abusive dancer. @_@ And I can't dance with anyone else because my boyfriend would get jealous. So what am I supposed to do?! Just not dance? But when I do that, he thinks something is wrong. Which it was at the time, but if I told him he would have gotten upset and mope around, which he did because I told him the following morning. So I'm in a lose lose situation.
I've tried to get him to dance with me when it's only us two, but he's too shy to try.
I just wish we would dance more often.
He's tried a few times, but not many.
At least he's tried though.

Thank you for your time.
Questions, comments, requests?

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

What's new

          Oh my. What a wreck this past week has been. I went to the hospital, had Starbucks, and got two new jobs!
So, I apologize to those, if any, that were wondering where I was and why I had not posted anything. I'm sorry!

So anyways, what's new?
          Let's start with my new Independent business! I am now an Independent Sales Representative for the company AVON. I became an independent sales rep this past Saturday, and so far I love it! I've even gotten my first order already, and it was over $50.00. I decided to do this because, for one, I need money, two, I think that it would be a great experience for me. For anyone actually! It gives you a chance to be your own boss, make your own hours, and become a leader. This has great potential for anyone wanting to go into sales independently. Soon, I will even provide a link to my online store. Don't hesitate! If you would like to order or may have any questions, ask me! I will help you out as much as I can.

          Speaking of AVON, while I was getting signed up and had the training meeting, we happened to be at Starbucks. This would be my first time eating or drinking anything from Starbucks, let alone my first time being inside a Starbucks store! I had one of their latte shake things, I don't know I didn't buy it, and a piece of a muffin and cookie. Now, I've also been sick for the past week and a half, so I'm sure this was the main cause, but what I had ingested came back up, furiously! it tasted good going down, don't get me wrong, but it did not taste good coming back up. I had to excuse myself from the meeting to go hack up my insides. It wasn't fun.

          Speaking of me being sick!- everything ties together doesn't it- I went to the E.R. last night. I've had this massive migraine for the past four days and medicine was not working. I had a fever of 99.6, I was nauseated and in a bitchy mood from Hell. My boyfriend was worried for me so he decided to take me to the hospital to see if they could find out what was wrong with me. We were there for about 2.5 to 3 hours. They gave me quite a strong shot, in my butt!, of some kind of pain killer. I slept for a while and when I woke up the headache was gone. But it made my body feel very heavy and lethargic. They prescribed me Lortabs for pain and some other kind of antibiotic. As of now, I feel better and the headaches are gone. So I'm glad I went I guess.

          And last but not least, I now have a new job at a clothing store! I'm so happy that I got another job! I've wanted to get out of food service and go into retail for a while now. I'm so happy that I can tell my boss at the food joint to kiss my ass. Don't get me wrong, I liked the place that I was working at and I liked most of the people that I worked with, but the managers and my bosses are crooked. They don't really treat all of the employees fairly. My boss likes to hire new people and give them hours while those who had been working there for a longer time, and working hard might I add, get the short end of the deal. Our hours are cut dramatically, and we are expected to beg for our hours back. I don't think so. But anyways, I could go on and on about how I don't like that place, and I might just do it later, but not right now. If you'd like to hear of my experience at that place, let me know. If enough people want to hear about it I'll either write it or make a video. Let me know in the comment section down below!

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!
Thank you for your time.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Switching majors

          Recently, I've been thinking about switching my major at the college I go to. As of now I'm going for my Associate in Arts degree. My original plan was to get my AA degree at this school and transfer out to a university for a degree in Graphic Design. I wanted to have a double major in Graphic Design and Sociology, and a minor in English.

I feel that are two reasons why I want to leave this goal for another.

          One, as of now all of the classes I am taking have nothing to do with want I really want to do. I really want to be a Logo Designer, but the classes I'm taking now aren't specifically directed to this. I know that whatever classes I'm taking now will transfer out to the university so I won't have to take them there, but it's kind of frustrating.

          The other reason why I want to switch is because ever since I started this blog, I've gained an interest in technology and things that relate to this. I've never been the computer savvy person, but it's actually an interesting subject; computers and all. I've been exposed to code-writing, things like Google Analytics, all of this stuff I didn't understand before are becoming a major interest to me. I'm not quite sure if the program I want to enter will help me with this, but it doesn't hurt to ask or try. I've been thinking about switching my major to Networking Technology.

          I have a friend who is going at this same school that is going for this degree. I need to ask him some questions, and go talk to my counselor. Hopefully I can finally find something for me to do; something that I want to do.

Thank you for you time.
Comments, questions, requests?

Thursday, March 8, 2012

New hair color!

I dyed my hair black, y'all! I want to color the tips soon, but I'm not exactly sure which color I want. Maybe a dark red? Burgandy?

Any suggestions?

Hole in my ear

Yay! I can see things on the other side of my ear through the hole! Whoo hoo! I find it quite intruiging! I don't think that I'll go up any sizes; I'd like to leave it at a four.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Size four gauges

So earlier this year, after several debates with self over past years, I finally decided to gauge my ears. I started at an 18 because I already had four piercings in a weird pattern in each ear, so I used the bottom piercing on each ear. I then went to a fourteen, to twelve, to eight, six, and now four. This process hurt a lot but then again did not. This is because it only hurt a lot for about two days for each time I moved up a size and was then fine, so in the end it made it seem like it wasn't a big deal anymore. I do this because I really like it. Not for the pain, but more so the experience, and for the looks of course!



Saturday, March 3, 2012


          Since I'm trying to get my blog out into the public, I've been signing up for different websites and have been talking about it more to different people. This code G2KWYX5WA5W7 is for one website called
          So far this site seems to be alright, and hopefully it will assist me in getting more viewers and whatnot.
Tell your family and friends about this blog! Help spread the word. Show me some love and support!
Thank you for your time.

New beds

          So, my boyfriend and I have been wanting to buy a new bed. Sounds random, right?
Well, what we currently have is this piece of shit mattress on a broken bed frame. Two pieces of shit, actually.
The springs pop out and stab us during the night, when you sit on it it bends in the middle so it's so uncomfortable, and it squeaks, so when we have sex all you hear over my moaning is "squeak, squeak, squeak." It's so annoying. The bed frame is also currently being held up by cinder blocks. That's sad and ghetto. The wood underneath it is broken and sticks out like a sore thumb, not to mention it's also unsafe.
          The kind of bed we want to buy is a sleep number bed.
Or so I thought. I just read a lot of reviews on the beds, and they aren't all that great.
I mean, yeah, there are good reviews, but I'm interested in the low rating reviews just to see what kind of problems people were having. They've had problems like having to replace parts of their beds several times, it not being comfortable like the ones in the store were, and other things that made me stop and think- what if we have the same problems?
          So then I decided to look at the Tempur-Pedic beds. They're SO FREAKING EXPENSIVE!
$2,000 just for a mattress? And then you need to add the bed frame, so that's even MORE money!
This is not going smooth like I planned it to.
I know we can have payment plans, and oh do we plan to do that!
But this is getting ridiculous.
          Any suggestions? I'm lost, but we need a new bed NOW!
I suffer from back pains way too much for my age- I'm only 19!
I cannot stand what we sleep on now, I want to cry at night from the lack of comfort.

..Thank you for your time.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012


So, sometime in early January I decided to make a self-empowerment plan. I decided to implement this into my life because I think that it would be a very good thing to do. Also, in case of zombies. Or to be on more realistic terms, in case the world becomes like a post-apocalyptic world.
I feel that skills such as these would aid me.

There are six phases total.
Each phase lasts two months.
No phase ever ends. Once it begins, it stays.
The reason I did this was so I don't try to shove everything onto my plate all at once.

The six phases include memory, language, knowldge of medicinal plants and herbs, cooking, do-it-yourself projects and survival training.
Each phase lasts 2 months.

Phase one- memory. Improve memory using a variety of tools and programs.
(I used memory training apps and games on my phone to help me with this.)

Phase two- language skills. Learn the basics of a new language. I will choose from German, Spanish, Italian or French.

Phase three- knowldge of medicinal plants and herbs. Study the uses of medicinal plants and herbs, along with home remedies.

Phase four- cooking skills. Learn to cook a variety of new foods, especially healthy foods.

Phase five- do-it-yourself projects. Learn how to improvise using ordinary objects. Obtain skills that would aid in survival and ordinary living.

Phase six- survival training. This phase is still under construction.

Since it is pretty much now March, I will have completed phase one and will begin on phase two now.

Hopefully you can do something like this for yourself as well.
I'll try to keep this up and post entried about how it's going for me.


A while back ago I lost someone dear to me. I lost my best friend. We had been friends since the 6th grade. It wasn't until the 8th grade did we consider ourselves to be best friends. We would share our secrets and talk about our lives. It was like we were joined at the hip. We were inseperable!
We stayed friends all through high school, though I'm sure we could both tell that it was starting to dissapate.
It wasn't until we got into college we could really tell that we were starting to part ways.

It hurt me so. I couldn't stand it. So many emotions filled my heart; anger, sadness, loneliness, even hatred. I began to almost hate her. I felt like she wronged me like no other had done before. I fussed to others that we weren't friends anymore. I said many things that I know I probably shouldn't have, and I apologize for them now. I didn't understand what had happened between us.

Things have changed since then. I feel as though I've grown more mature, and I've opened my eyes and heart to embrace new ideas and the world around me. A few days ago, I gathered up the strength and courage to speak to her again, and man, am I sure estatic that I did.

She accepted my love and want for our friendship back with arms wide open. We talked about what happened and shared what we thought about it.
I'm glad we were still able to understand each other, and forgive each other.
Mainly, I'm glad she was able to forgive me.
Hopefully our friendship will continue further.
I want us to grow old together and still be really good friends.

I love you, Momo!


Rifle Ammunition Guide

Or, what kind of bullets you will need for the zombie apocalypse.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Why I paint my shoes

Just the other day I decided to paint my shoes. Not in any particular pattern or design, just random paint marks. Some might say that they're ugly and/or I destroyed them. Well, they have their opinions and I have mine.

I decided to toss paint onto them because I see it as a way of expressing myself. Not only do I enjoy painting or pretty much doing anything artistic, but I put it on my shoes because I felt like it would attract the most attention by attracting the least.

What I mean by that is that not everyone would normally take the time to look down and notice my shoes, it's not at the average eye level. So if someone did happen to notice my shoes and perhaps make a comment about it, it would seem more valuable to me I guess. It catches less attention by being low to the ground, but what attention it does capture, I think, will mean more to me.

Mainly it is only a way of expressing myself.
I didn't paint a picture or design because I like to do expressionalism instead.


Though I cannot stand the way my forehead wrinkles, I like the angle that this picture was taken at. The lighting of the picture also looks just perfect.

A Night in the Wild

          Boredom. The same feeling as always. 
I can't believe he's just sitting there playing video games.
Well, what would I expect? He's only a guy after all. But... whatever...
Maybe I'll surprise him instead.

I can feel his eyes watching me as I cross the room.

"What are you doing?", he says.
"Oh, nothing", I reply.

Okay, so a small lie won't hurt. He'll know what I was doing soon enough anyway.

I walk over to the chest of drawers and pull out a small locket I stole from a store some time ago.

I hand him the locket and watch as he opens it.
There's a small roach from a joint we had smoked and saved from whenever ago.

"Thank you baby!". He blows a kiss towards me with a smile on his face.

Ah, I'm glad he liked it! I was hoping he would and not get mad at me like he did before when he found out I had hid something from him.
Though it's not like I had stolen it, I was saving it for us.
He had jumped to conclusions at the time.
But that's in the past now. We've gotten over it since then, right?

"So, do you want to smoke it now?", he asks as he procures the only smoking apparatus we have.

I was also hoping he'd say that, too.

We proceed to smoke and get high.

"So what do you want to do when we're done with this?", he asks as he hands me the bowl.
"We can go for a walk or ride our bikes- something like that. Maybe we can go back to the railroad tracks or walk even further, if you'd like", I respond.

Just the other day we had gone for a walk down the nearby railroad tracks. We were just curious to see where it led to.

"Okay. But first, take these." He hands me two and a half white pills.
I take them with water and stay my questions. I have learned to put my absolute and complete trust in this man. Well, he earned it to say the least.

I watch as he takes the same white pills, except they had a higher dosage than the ones he gave me.

"Are you ready?"
"Hold on, we are going to need these, too."
I gather up four hefty markers. "Just for some fun, you know? A little anarchy for tonight...
Well, come on. It's only getting darker and colder the more we wait."

          We begin our walk. First out of the driveway, make a left down the road, a right down the other, and a left once more until we hit the railroad tracks. It's gotten quite dark now- so dark we had to use our cell phones as light for the sun had forsaken us.

This is the spot we were at before. It seems creepy now that it's nighttime.
"Hey, I"m kind of scared", I say as I huddle closer to his warm body.
"Well come closer; I'll keep you safe, baby."
"Here, hold on for a minute. I've got something to show you."
He pulls out a spray can of AXE and a lighter. "Watch this!"
"Be careful!", I warn him.
"Okay, I will."
He proceeds to spray a heart on a nearby concrete wall and light it on fire.

I watch in awe as the blue flame licks the wall in the shape of a heart.
"It's wonderful, baby!"
"Good. I'm glad."

I look down at my cell phone to look at the time but only to realize, hey!- it's our ten month anniversary today.
I wonder if he knows, too.

"So guess what today is?", I ask.
"The 26th, right? Is it a holiday or something?"

Okay, so he doesn't know yet.

"It's February 26th."
" ....."
"Our ten month anniversary?"
"Oh shit! I'm sorry I didn't realize. Please don't be mad at me, I didn't mean that in a bad way. I'm sorry baby!".
"It's okay. I just realized it too."

          We have this habit of realizing it's our anniversary only on the day of.
It seems like we've been together for so long already that we've forgetten to keep up with our anniversaries anymore. But I don't find anything bad by it. I find it quite funny, actually.

I can feel the white pills begin to work. Though it's not like a huge feeling, I feel relaxed.

"Can you hand me the black and red markers you brought? I want to draw something."
"Sure, here you go." I hand him the two markers and keep the latter. I decide to begin drawing as well.

Hmm. What should I draw? Or maybe I should just write something.

 Curiously, I ask, "What are you drawing?
"You can't see it yet, it's a surprise!"

Okay, so he won't tell me. I bet it has something to do with our anniversary, or just with us.
 Well, at least he has something in mind. I still feel lost.
Oh, I know!


-"Are you LIVING, or are you just alive? 


"Are you almost done?", I inquire as I become impatient.
"Almost, give me a few more minutes."

So I just start walking around in circles, trying to entertain myself as best as I could at night in the cold. And then it hit me. I had to use the bathroom.
Now, this is no laughing matter for me. When I have to go- I HAVE TO GO, NOW!

"Hey baby?"
"I have to pee."
"Well then go pee!"
"But where? And what am I supposed to wipe with?"

We both look around for an adequate spot or something I could use to wipe with.

"Well, I have underwear that I could use. It's not the best but it'd work, I'm sure.
Come with me, I don't want to be alone- it's dark and scary out here."
 "Hold on, I'm almost done. When I finish I'll go with you."
"Okay, but hurry!"

I stare up at the sky waiting for him.

I really have to go! He's taking way to long for me.
I decide to go ahead without him.
As I begin to walk away, I can hear him following behind me.

"I told you I'd go with you. I'm not finished with my drawing but I know you have to pee so it's okay."
"Thank you." 

As I take off my shoes, socks, pants and underwear I feel the cold night air against my bare legs.
I take up a spot behind one of the concrete walls and relieve myself.

Much better.

The underwear worked as it should have, but I didn't want to take it back with me.
It was dirty after all.
So I set the article of clothing on top of the concrete wall, out of sight.

"Ha! Now people can wonder about that being there."

Yeah, that's not weird at all...

"Are you almost done with your drawing now?", I ask.

A few minutes go by.

"Okay, I'm done. Come look!"

I walk over to the wall and gaze upon the artwork he had presented to me.
I couldn't believe my eyes!
With black, red and blue markers he had transformed the boring, gray wall into a masterpiece.
Written there was:

Happy 10 Months


"It's beautiful, baby! I absolutely love it!
Thank you so much baby. You did a wonderful job!"
"I'm really glad you like it!"

We stand there and stare at it for a while before we decide to continue to walk again.