New Years Resolutions? 2013.

     This year I will turn 21 years old. This year I will spend more time with my family. This year I will do things that make me happy. not anyone else. This year I will get my first tattoo. This year I will buy a car and obtain a passport. This year I will get fit. This year I will experience what it is to be a "hippie". This year? This year is about me.

Its not happening

I can't do it. I'm not ready. I don't want anything serious. I can't deal with that kind of stress, I'm only 20 years old anyway, I have better things to do with my time then spend it trying to salvage something I really don't want. I know this seems confusing; I was confused. But now I know what I at least don't want, so now I can start working on what I do want. And what I want right now, is the freedom to choose what I want to do. So it begins.

life changing decisions

I have come to the conclusion that I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. It has come to my attention that time waits for no one, and the more time I spend apart from him the more time I waste in this petty state of mind of mine. I thought about it; what would be the difference in being single and having friends or dating and having friends? I recently asked myself why can't I have just guy friends. Probably because of the way I act and things I say. It's hard to put these thoughts into words at the moment, so please bear with me.
What I'm trying to say is that I want to be able to spend my life with him and still be able to hang out with JUST FRIENDS and go out and still live my life, but with him in it. I love this man, to no end. I fear of losing him with tremendous force. I love the way he is, inside and out, and I enjoy being with him. But I don't want to end up losing myself again. I can't afford that anymore. This will test my patience and self-discipline. But I believe I can do this, and do it right this time.
We will always need some kind of space between us, but for the better. Our lives don't need to focus only each other, but rather keep a balance. That's the key. Balance.